And Then I Screamed Bloody Murder

Late Saturday night while getting ready for bed I entered the bathroom and was joined by the biggest bug I have ever seen.  I’m not a fan of bugs, but can hold my own ridding them from the house.  While I might let out a yelp when tracking down a spider, I can kick a cricket’s ass without batting an eye because they make me mad when they come into my house making all that noise. 

Saturday’s bug however was basically a monster.  It was huge!  I screamed like a little girl and ran out of the bathroom closing the door behind me while I figured out a plan.  I armed myself with a magazine and a bag-lined trash can and went back inside the bathroom.  It scurried next to my feet as I screamed and closed the door again, afraid it was going to run out into the house and I’d never find it.  Closed inside, I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to do as just stepping on it or squashing it wasn’t it option being that it was the size of my fist.  First, I covered it with the trashcan.  I thought about leaving it there until I moved it died, but I knew I wouldn’t sleep well knowing it was under there.  There were various attempts to collect it on the magazine or grab it with my hand inside the bag all resulting in me screaming at the top of my lungs and the bug ending up wiggling wildly on its back.  FINALLY, I used the magazine to shovel the bug into the trashcan and then dumped it into the flushing toilet, again screaming like a mad woman.  I took a sigh of relief when the bug didn’t resurface in the toilet, but I flushed it again, just to be safe. 

Even though I was very glad to move out of a condo and into my house, there was a part of me that was a little bit nervous about not sharing a wall with my neighbors anymore.  I felt like if I were ever being attacked by a robber or a murderer, at least in the condo someone would hear me scream.  In a house I wasn’t so sure.  That is until Saturday night.  About 10 or 15  minutes after the giant bug’s demise, there was a knock at my door and then the doorbell rang.  Now it was after midnight at this time.  If it were possible, my anxiety level jumped.  Who could possibly be at my door at this time of night and how could they possibly think I would open the door at this time of night.  I tiptoed to the guestroom to look outside the window.  There was a police car blocking my driveway.  I don’t know if that made me feel better or worse.  I went to the door and without opening it called out, “Yes”.  Through the door the officer told me there had been reports of screaming and he needed to check if everything was alright. 

To make a long story short, my bathroom and bedroom window were open and the screams during the giant bug murder were heard by my next-door neighbors who in turned called the police.  To my credit, I think the officer found my excuse amusing, but I was terribly embarrassed in explaining the situation. 

So clearly, I had nothing to worry about no longer living in a condo, but I’ll tell you what, it took a long time to get to sleep that  night.