After my nail appointment on Friday afternoon, I left the salon which sits right next door to a sandwich place. At the exact time I walked out the door, a dad and his two young sons were leaving the sandwich shop, and I found myself right in the middle of a parenting moment. "You better get your act together and show me some fucking respect!" he hollered at one of his sons. It's never a good sign when someone is yelling AND swearing so I tried to make myself very small and hustle to the car. I think the dad realized I heard him as he said the whole thing again when he walked to the care, but switched to "...show me some freaking respect!"
Isn't it ironic that he was demanding respect and showing his kid such little respect at the exact same time.
When did swearing at your kid become ok? Back in the olden days when I was young like these boys, I didn't know any adults who swore...in front of me at least. It just wasn't done. Like everything else, times have changed and those taboo words have certainly become more mainstream. We hear it in a lot of music and on tv, and the movies put them in like their trying to win a contest. They've even become a part of our regular vocabulary. I've been known to drop an f-bomb or two when I'm angry.
But I'm having a hard time with it being used so freely, or at all really, around little kids. There's no way to shield children completely from the "bad words" as the entertainment business doesn't really care about them, but with that being said, shouldn't the people who are supposed to care be a bit more conscientious about keeping them small and innocent for a little while anyway.
three on thursday
8 hours ago
I'm less worried about the F than I am that the kids disrespected him in public. That to me is indicative of a profoundly fractured home life where the mother is belittling the father, and probably the other way round. It seems people are really scared. Their belief that they are doing everything correct and still failing is very destructive. Dad is out working all hour, mom is taking care of the kids and the household income buys half what it did in their parents day.
ReplyDeleteThink of it with your income. Lets say ten years ago you decided to have 2.3 mini-me's. Could you on your income provide that their dad remain at home and take care of the home. And could your income provide all the accouterments for yourself and the rest of the family. Summer camps, holidays, car/s, house and a fund for university.
You see I think that terror is very corrosive, and remember they are stuck also. I'll bet you the divorce stats indicate an anomaly for the lower middle-class and upper working-class where no matter how toxic it would mean financial destruction is the couple split.
Hmmm, you see, I have a very warped take on having children and your scenario up there...if my income would not allow for me to provide their most basic needs without causing me terror then I shouldn't be having them.
DeleteAnd while I completely agree that there could be a deeper issue where there is lack of respect for the parents on an ongoing basis (I personally think that there is an epidemic of disrespect for others in our society, but that's a whole other post - or is it?), they are just kids and kids make poor choices a lot of time. The parent is supposed to be the grown up. I just wonder if the screaming and swearing about lack of respect is the only way this person is commanding it from his kids. Doesn't it need to be earned? If I just yelled and screamed and threatened about being respectful all day long in my classroom respect would be the last thing I would get.
Ah no. There's a difference between the most basic and what a middleclass lifestyle would demand. But that one income would provide and do so well enough 30-40 years ago.
DeleteBut people do what their parents their parents did. Or at least they see what their parents did lifestyle-wise as the benchmark. And if they're job strata generally are in the same basic level but not doing as well generally, that's seen as a profound failure in our system.
Oh sure, our own parents are probably our largest role models for parenting which does make my point, to a point. :)
DeleteAren't numbers currently pointing to this being the first time children are doing statistically worse than their parents financially. And that certainly is a stressor.
But what it all comes down to is if you are expecting respect, for most people, you gotta show it.
The great difference since 1980 is housing. Not since the 1880 in Europe and the 1820 in the USA has the question of housing economics been of such prominence to the lives of the general population. That was the one area of social control that I really thought Obama would tackle given it's the one area that would do most for the lower paid Dems. Food, clothing, housing are the economic needs.
DeleteI thought Obama would do more for the middle and lower socioeconomic population also. That has been a big disappointment. He seems to be a closeted rich, white guy!
DeleteI watched a news program the other day where the conservatives were discussing what a failed presidency this one has been, but he does have a list of accomplishments - decreased unemployment, reduced deficit, marriage equality, affordable care act. But he was not the socialist we were all hoping he'd be. ;)
This is a good lesson in compassion and mindfulness, which is on my mind these days. Yes, we have to teach respect by BEING respectful, not DEMANDING it. I will say, though, that there are times that a kid is on your last nerve, because parents are human and tired and flawed. At those times, the F word might come to mind. Hopefully, it isn't yelled in a parking lot, but it might come to mind. :-)
ReplyDeleteYes, I am completely understanding of those feelings. And don't get through most of my days without an expletive popping into my head about a student's behavior. Last year almost sent me to the looney bin because of that behavior and having to hold in all those "You little sh$%!"
DeleteI'm all for discipline and holding our kids to very high behavior standards, but they're not going to learn anything if all they're being treated in the exact opposite way they are being asked to behave.
Some people shouldn't fucking have kids...
ReplyDeleteRight!?!?! Yah, and I think we are jaded and sensitive about it too being we see poor parenting on a regular basis.
DeleteIt's not an easy job, but how can you not know that going into it.
My dad didn't swear at me or around me, my kids heard an occasional s**t once they were older, and nothing from Mr BC. I know my grandsons have heard more on occasion and I cringe.
ReplyDeleteYah, I guess it's generational. I probably just need to get over it. The funny thing is, when one of my students says an inappropriate word all the rest are the first to tell me they heard a "bad word". They still have a stigma, but the kids hear them much more often than I ever did.
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