My Mom Had Cows In Her Backyard...

Which wouldn't really be funny if she lived on a farm or anywhere else known to have cows, but my mom lives in Hawaii.

I talked to my mom on the phone the other day and this was the conversation.

Mom: Well I had an interesting night last night.

Me: Why?

Mom: Oh, it was about 1:00 in the morning, and I heard a noise in the backyard.

Me: Yah?

Mom: I listened for a bit and the noise kept getting closer and closer to the house.

Me: Oh, no (feeling scared)

Mom: I got out of bed and ran to the front of the house. I figured if it was a burglar trying to break in the back door, I could run out the front door and yell for help.

Me: Oh, jeeze

Mom: I stood by the front door and listened. There was still a lot of noise along the side of the house and I thought this was the loudest burglar I have ever heard.

Me: Yah, cuz you've heard a lot of burglars before.

Mom: (Laughs) Right, no I just figured he was being pretty loud for someone trying to break in.

Me: Right

Mom: So I quietly opened up the front door and walked out onto the lanai (that's what they call the patio in Hawaii). I hid on the linai for a little bit.

Me: (Imagining my poor mom scared and hiding on the patio.)

Mom: After a little while, I snuck around to the side of the house to see if I could see anything.

Me: Yah?

Mom: I looked around the corner and staring back at me was a....cow. He had horns, not the big guy's horns, but still he had horns.

Me: Oh, god, not again. (Yes, this has happened before)

Mom: So I whispered, "Go away," and waved my arms at him.

Me: (Laughs)

Mom: I wanted him to run out into the street so he wouldn't be on the side of the house anymore, but he just turned around and ran back into the backyard, scraping the side of the house with his horns.

Me: Oh, it was his horns that were making all the noise?

Mom: Well, yes, when he walked along the side of the house. The noise I first heard was of him leaning over the rock wall eating my tea plants and he knocked the wall over.

Needless to say, I was relieved that my mom didn't have a real burglar, just a burglar who wanted her tea plants. There is a field behind my mom's house. Every-so-often the owners of the field let their cows out of their normal area to graze this field. There is an ancient rock wall that lines the field, and that wall is the backyard wall for the houses that back up to the field. The wall is not grouted or concreted in, but rather stacked in a special "Hawaiian" way. So when the cows are sent out to this field, they sometimes eat the foliage of the residents. When they do that, they lean against the stacked wall and the wall falls over.

This is not the first time this has happened. When some of my mom's friends were staying at her house while she was here in CA, a bull knocked the wall over and grazed in the backyard for awhile. The people who own the cows have repaired the wall each time it happens. My mom will have to keep their number on speed dial. She had 7 more cows looking over the wall tonight.

I'm so glad it wasn't really a burglar.

I'm Old!

I'm taking a break from trip posts to tell about an event that happened this afternoon.

After work today, I came home, changed into my jammies, and started making dinner. During dinner prep my doorbell rang. It was about 5:00 and since I was in my PJs, I decided not to answer the door. I never answer the door if I am not expecting someone. Who comes to the door at 5:00 in the evening? Solicitors, that's who. Important people in my life don't just show up at my door unannounced.

The doorbell rang. Then there were knocks on the door. Koho, my dog, of course went nuts; barking and running around the house. I still ignored it.

After a few moments, I heard noises in my backyard (which is really the side yard - I'm on a corner lot). I looked out the window and saw a boy, of about 12, running in my backyard and then back out again. After getting over the shock of seeing someone back there, I got upset. I marched to the front door, opened it, and yelled, "What are you doing?"

Three boys who stood at my side gate looked at me and froze. After a moment, one of the boys walked away shrugging, while I yelled, "Come here," to the other two. They walked over to my half open door (still in my jammies) and stood looking at me. Koho continued to run around the house barking so I couldn't open the door all the way. This is how the rest of the conversation went...

Me: What are you doing? (shrieking)
Boy 1,2: Uh, uh
Me: What are you doing in my backyard? (still shrieking)
Boy 1: Uh, we had to get this (holding up something that was shot out of a big toy gun)
Me: So you just decided to go in my backyard? (no longer shrieking, but talking in my stern teacher voice)
Boy 2: We knocked on your door.
Me: I don't care. You went in my backyard! (shrieking again)
Boy 1, 2: (stare)
Me: Where do you live? (shrieking continues)
Boy 1, 2: (points behind my house)
Me: How would you feel if you found me in your backyard and I wasn't supposed to be there? (Back to the teacher voice)
Boy 1: Pretty mad.
Me: Yah, pretty mad is right!
Boy 1, 2: (stare)
Me: I don't want to ever see you in my backyard again. That is not ok!
Boy 1, 2: OK
Me: Never again! (almost shrieking)
Boy 1, 2: OK
Me: Sheesh (closes the door)

So, let me ask you, did I behave like the old, scary cat lady that lives in the neighborhood? Did I react like the cranky, old neighbor who says, "Stay outta my yard ya young whipper snappers." I think so. In my defense however isn't that breaking and entering? I'm just saying. Anyways, now if my house gets T-Pd, or egged, or I get murdered in my sleep we will know why.