Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Not the Job For Me

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have another career path.  I do enjoy teaching, but sometimes another job sounds interesting and less exhausting than the one I have now.  Although, many jobs have qualities that appeal to me, at the top of my list are international spy, book publisher, drug dealer, travel writer, and pretty much any job that let’s me use the bathroom whenever I want.

On the other hand, there are many jobs that, for one reason or another, do not sound the least bit appealing.  In order to not offend anyone, instead of listing the actual jobs I wouldn’t want, here is a list of characteristics that I wouldn’t want in a job…
- I wouldn’t want to clean anything; animate or inanimate.
- I wouldn’t want to touch anyone I don’t know.
- I wouldn’t be able to catch, clean, cook, touch, smell, taste any type of seafood.  Yes including lobster and crab!
- I wouldn’t be able to touch, taste, smell, or listen to mayonnaise.
- I wouldn’t be able to touch, taste, smell, listen to tuna salad.
- I wouldn’t be able to talk on the phone all day long.
- I wouldn’t want to be in front of a camera – still, video, or otherwise
- I wouldn’t want to work with dead bodies, human or animal.
- I wouldn’t want to drive in traffic.
- I wouldn’t want to garden.
- I wouldn’t want to work outside in the hot sun.
- I wouldn’t be able to look at or touch snakes.
- I wouldn’t want to deal with people complaining or yelling at me about something out of my control.
Before I started teaching, “waking up early in the morning” was also on my list of things I wouldn’t do.  Now that I’m teaching, I’ve had to give up on that one up.  It’s painful!  I guess I’d probably sacrifice for some of these for the perfect job, although I wouldn’t for the mayonnaise, cleaning, or snakes!  Ick!



  1. I agree with all the things you don't want!

  2. Really? Mayonnaise?

    I guess now would not be a good time to tell you that my grandfather called it 'pus' - doesn't that sound good on a sandwich?

  3. coming at ya via June Freaking Cleaver via Mama Kat's...

    And now I'm hungry... Pumpkin Delight... it's a dessert, right?
    Or it's the color of my minivan--which ever.

    No mayo? Are you nuts? And no seafood??? Okay- no RAW seafood I can agree with.

    I'm a nurse so pretty much all the rest... except the snakes, oh but wait... scratch that! I had snakes on the job once so... yeah I do all those other things in my job.

    God! My job really sucks... I wonder why I like it then???

    Great- now I'm hungry AND a dissatisfied working woman...
    but I enjoyed my visit and will be back again... when I'm not hungry

  4. Great post! And it reminded me of that scene in "Say Anything" when Lloyd (John Cusack) gives that speach about what he wants to do when he grows up. Too funny!

    Please tell me you're old enough to remember that movie ;)

  5. Well that doesn't leave much left, now, does it? I guess you'll have to stick to teaching.

  6. I wouldn't want to clean dog crap off other people's shoes- but damn it! I had to do that today for the first time this school year...and I am sure not the last.

    WHY WHY WHY do people feel free to walk their dogs in the kindergarten yard and not pick up after them???

    I also wouldn't want to flush the toilet for other people either...but I have to do that daily. Geez...didn't know all this when I signed up for teaching!

    Happy FRIDAY!! tomorrow

  7. My list of wouldn't want tos is very similar, except for the mayo part. Yum. Not for a job though!!!

  8. You crack me up. Sounds like whatever it is is the perfect job for both of us!

  9. Just discovered your blog. Sorry it took me so long. I think you have a great sense of humor as this post shows. How did you get a "porn star" name? Looking forward to reading your blog often.

  10. Soooooooo.... lunch lady is out of the question then.

  11. Amen. Let me know what you figure out. I'm in the market for a new job!

  12. I added your site to my Blog List. I believe the polite thing to do in this situation is to let you know and ask your permission. I have always been a fan of doing and apologizing later so I added your site to my list. If you would prefer that you were not listed please email me back and let me know and I happily (but also sadly) take your site off my list.

  13. I wouldn't want a job where i have to wash inanimate or live objects, or touch people...I'm going into nursing...where did I take the wrong turn?
    I think you need to give Mayo a chance though. I bet you'd be great with mayo :)

  14. Love your list - I agree with almost everything on it. I think I became a teacher because I wanted to be an actress, a singer, a writer, an arbitrator, and an artist. I didn't sign on for cleaning up bodily fluids though and that was on today's roster :(

  15. Hey...miss reading your posts....hope you're okay!