For the last month or so, morning and afternoon "news" shows have been "reporting" on the new trend for men...the dad bod. The dad-bod "story", if you're not familiar, was initiated by some college sophomore's post about the type of guy her roommate usually dated, "The dad bod says, 'I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating pizza.'" Every news outlet has addressed this as a color story and some (gasp) as an actual news story. While some men are cheering for the label, others are shaming their less toned brethren, and at the same time many women are in tizzy over how an average-looking man is now making positive news for having a regular body while women continue to be subjected to unrealistic body standards.
I can see the critics' concerns, while at the same time I can also appreciate that regular men think this is great news. I've been planning a post in my head about how silly the whole thing is when, lo and behold, I caught up on last week's The Daily Show and Jon Stewart and Kristen Schaal explained the newest pop culture phenomenon. I couldn't have said it better myself...
The most poignant part of the whole segment - "You earned it Dadio. All that not working out, focusing on other things besides your body...show off how your looks are not what society values most in you." It is too bad that our society has created this double standard that women's looks play a far bigger part in our "success" as women than it does for men. With that being said, there have been some pretty nasty things written about men with so-called dad-bods, even by women. How can we expect men to be respectful of all of our body types if we are unable to do the same...a bit of double standard, no?
My take on the whole thing, beyond the silliness of it all, is if you are happy and comfortable in your own skin, that's all that matters. If you are not, then do something about it. And most importantly, if we (both women and men) stop succumbing to what the media says is and isn't beautiful, we'll all feel a whole lot better about ourselves and others, perceived imperfections and all.
The first thing a girl does when she has control of her clothing purchases is get high heel shoes. What does a boy get, he doesn't. His mom buys for him, or he simply gets the uniform of the day. Which he then continues for the rest of his life. Even to being buried in a 3-piece suit which he probably never wore. I think women are like men more than they like. They are equally as superficially visual if only taken on the surface. Yes, you'd like to sink your teeth into the hiney of a guy with thighs like tree trunks and a torso muscled enough to block out light. And yes, your hormones would make you gasp if you saw such a vision within touching distance. But like with men, women see and feel two types of hotness. And the second type, the one that lights you with a glance, a touch. When of a busy morning your partner puts a hand on your flank. When instead of kissing you good bye, runs a hand to the back of the neck and caresses the face with the thumb. That heat that comes when you know you are desired. Do you really want a guy that you can hop pennies off his belly.
Oh sure, we all have our own varying degrees of superficialness. I think where men get the bad wrap on that is that they are usually the ones in charge of what women look like who are portrayed in our magazines, tv, movies, etc. There are many more "regular" guy starring-role actors out there while most of the "regular" girls are relegated to the best friend or funny sidekick role. So it's easy to point fingers at men and say they are the superficial ones. Wait, what were you saying?!?! I got distracted reading of my "busy morning". ;)
Ooooooo, I'm not at all sure I agree with you there. Otherwise known as I disagree, or, you're wrong :-). I 'd say we've had more non standard 'blonde Germanic looking' actors than at any time in the past. We don't have the suit of cards look like we had in the 80s and 90s. What's that word you have, oh aye, cookie cutter. It may be that in your city those that call themselves actors. I wonder though, outside of the sonority sister roll are they employed at all.
Ok, Vince...I just realized in the comments on my blog I told you not to tell me I'm wrong if I disagree with you. I know here that you are saying it "with a grain of salt", so I wasn't making reference to this. (and this is how misunderstandings take place on the internet!) ;)
I enjoyed the clip - yep, it's stated well there. :)
I can honestly say that vanity has never been a vice for me. Don't get me wrong...I believe in being clean and presentable, but all that extra stuff? No. I've always been one to dress for comfort, not style. Pretty much "what you see is what you get". Maybe I'm a bit lazy, too. Takes a lot of effort and expense to keep those roots dyed, so I embraced my "salt & pepper" years ago (grey began early for me). And don't get me started on plastic surgery...
I truly believe women are much harsher on each other than men ever are about women. I do occasionally look at someone in WalMart and say to myself "what were they thinking??" (and that's usually not because of style, but the gross factor), but try to be non-judgmental for the most part. To each his/her own.
I agree with you on women being cattier about other women than men could ever be. Women can just be downright mean to each other. I know it usually stems from insecurities, but I don't have a lot of tolerance for it. With that being said, I have heard of the Walmart "fashion" and it makes me gasp and feel embarrassed for them. When you see some of the pictures, I wonder if it's a case of someones "15 minutes" because there is no way someone would leave the house like that under normal circumstances.
Status, not insecurities. I believe the game women play with each other stems from that pecking order thing. I also thing women are very defensive of position and that this extends to those women that latch onto her sons. This beyond the 'how dare you touch my little baby like that you hussy' of the MIL.
Mmm... I'm gonna say it's both status AND insecurities. Having raised two daughters (total opposites when it comes to most things) and, of course, being a female myself (and with age comes wisdom - haha), I've seen evidence of both over the years. Sometimes those who "think" they're better are just hiding their insecurities behind their material possessions. Money and designer clothes don't define a person. Some of the wealthiest people I knew (and the South is full of "old money") were the type you would never know it to be around them. Usually those who made a point to show off were actually in debt up to their ears. Okay... maybe I'm getting side-tracked here. I just know that many girls lash out at others because deep-down they are insecure in their own looks/relationships and jealous of those they're lashing out at.
Oh, and I'm a good MIL ;) Just ask my sons-in-law or my son's girl. :D
I can see where an insecurity about one's status whether it be at work, in a social group, what have you can lead to the cattiness. For the MIL "issue", I have to say that it takes two, and if the son is a willing participant in his mother not cutting the apron strings, why would she bother cutting them.
The first thing a girl does when she has control of her clothing purchases is get high heel shoes. What does a boy get, he doesn't. His mom buys for him, or he simply gets the uniform of the day. Which he then continues for the rest of his life. Even to being buried in a 3-piece suit which he probably never wore.
ReplyDeleteI think women are like men more than they like. They are equally as superficially visual if only taken on the surface. Yes, you'd like to sink your teeth into the hiney of a guy with thighs like tree trunks and a torso muscled enough to block out light. And yes, your hormones would make you gasp if you saw such a vision within touching distance. But like with men, women see and feel two types of hotness. And the second type, the one that lights you with a glance, a touch. When of a busy morning your partner puts a hand on your flank. When instead of kissing you good bye, runs a hand to the back of the neck and caresses the face with the thumb. That heat that comes when you know you are desired.
Do you really want a guy that you can hop pennies off his belly.
Oh sure, we all have our own varying degrees of superficialness. I think where men get the bad wrap on that is that they are usually the ones in charge of what women look like who are portrayed in our magazines, tv, movies, etc. There are many more "regular" guy starring-role actors out there while most of the "regular" girls are relegated to the best friend or funny sidekick role. So it's easy to point fingers at men and say they are the superficial ones.
DeleteWait, what were you saying?!?! I got distracted reading of my "busy morning". ;)
Ooooooo, I'm not at all sure I agree with you there. Otherwise known as I disagree, or, you're wrong :-).
DeleteI 'd say we've had more non standard 'blonde Germanic looking' actors than at any time in the past. We don't have the suit of cards look like we had in the 80s and 90s. What's that word you have, oh aye, cookie cutter. It may be that in your city those that call themselves actors. I wonder though, outside of the sonority sister roll are they employed at all.
Ok, Vince...I just realized in the comments on my blog I told you not to tell me I'm wrong if I disagree with you. I know here that you are saying it "with a grain of salt", so I wasn't making reference to this. (and this is how misunderstandings take place on the internet!) ;)
DeleteHmmmm, I don't know. I think I might be right. :)
DeleteI enjoyed the clip - yep, it's stated well there. :)
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say that vanity has never been a vice for me. Don't get me wrong...I believe in being clean and presentable, but all that extra stuff? No. I've always been one to dress for comfort, not style. Pretty much "what you see is what you get". Maybe I'm a bit lazy, too. Takes a lot of effort and expense to keep those roots dyed, so I embraced my "salt & pepper" years ago (grey began early for me). And don't get me started on plastic surgery...
I truly believe women are much harsher on each other than men ever are about women. I do occasionally look at someone in WalMart and say to myself "what were they thinking??" (and that's usually not because of style, but the gross factor), but try to be non-judgmental for the most part. To each his/her own.
I agree with you on women being cattier about other women than men could ever be. Women can just be downright mean to each other. I know it usually stems from insecurities, but I don't have a lot of tolerance for it.
DeleteWith that being said, I have heard of the Walmart "fashion" and it makes me gasp and feel embarrassed for them. When you see some of the pictures, I wonder if it's a case of someones "15 minutes" because there is no way someone would leave the house like that under normal circumstances.
Status, not insecurities. I believe the game women play with each other stems from that pecking order thing. I also thing women are very defensive of position and that this extends to those women that latch onto her sons. This beyond the 'how dare you touch my little baby like that you hussy' of the MIL.
DeleteMmm... I'm gonna say it's both status AND insecurities. Having raised two daughters (total opposites when it comes to most things) and, of course, being a female myself (and with age comes wisdom - haha), I've seen evidence of both over the years. Sometimes those who "think" they're better are just hiding their insecurities behind their material possessions. Money and designer clothes don't define a person. Some of the wealthiest people I knew (and the South is full of "old money") were the type you would never know it to be around them. Usually those who made a point to show off were actually in debt up to their ears. Okay... maybe I'm getting side-tracked here. I just know that many girls lash out at others because deep-down they are insecure in their own looks/relationships and jealous of those they're lashing out at.
DeleteOh, and I'm a good MIL ;) Just ask my sons-in-law or my son's girl. :D
I can see where an insecurity about one's status whether it be at work, in a social group, what have you can lead to the cattiness.
DeleteFor the MIL "issue", I have to say that it takes two, and if the son is a willing participant in his mother not cutting the apron strings, why would she bother cutting them.