Monday, January 17, 2011

Good Advice?

I have finally come up with a New Year’s resolution…kind of. I don’t really like resolutions since they are usually broken before the end of the month. Anyhow, my resolution is to stop giving advice.

You see, I’m a “fixer”. Not in the international spy or assassin way, although that would be cool, but rather in the teacher way. I like to help people solve their problems. Not by telling them what to do, well sometimes I like that too, but by talking about the problem and helping them lay out their options. I’m not going to do that anymore. Of course, I will be there if friends want to talk and still be supportive, but from now on, I will just listen without putting in my two cents.

This is not coming from a cold place in my heart or because my advice wasn’t taken, actually nothing could be further from the truth. Instead, I want to concentrate on my own problems and change the things I want to change in my own life without getting caught up in doing that for other people. I am notorious for taking on issues that don’t really concern me out of my need to help others. More often than not, that has bitten me in the butt and/or taken a lot of my time that really should have been focused elsewhere. I don’t think that is healthy.

Just this afternoon, I got a text from a friend. After some discussion, a minor problem was mentioned. As I started to text back my advice I stopped myself. This person wasn’t having a life crisis, no one was in danger, so my response was a simple, “Oh, I’m sorry.” I can not tell you how freeing that was. This person was just fine without me trying to help and I didn’t spend my own time involved in a problem that was not mine. That’s when I decided that “butting out” was to be my New Years resolution. Wish me luck!


This picture has nothing to do with this post other than it makes me happy.


  1. I love the picture. I hope your resolution works out. That sounds like a very good thing to do! : ) Goodness knows we always have our own issues to worry about : ) Gary gets annoyed when I get stressed out over other peoples problems!

  2. Most of the time, I've found people just need to talk, like you said. In my own experience, the times that I've tried to give immediate solutions, it has just frustrated the other person.

    On the other hand, you're a pretty smart girl, so when someone asks for your opinion and what you would do in the situation, please continue to provide insight.

    Good luck with your resolution. The ones that provide you with freedom are the best!

  3. Good luck! And that picture makes me happy too.

  4. Sounds like a plan!
    But I'm glad that you helped me out with my Blog problem yesterday. And I always remember you as my First.
    Your Friend, m.

  5. Could you call my mom and tell her to do the same thing? I guess you can't because then you would be giving her advice.

  6. I know the feeling - I tend to talk too much at times and come across as weighing in on more than I should. I like your resolution. There is so much to be experienced by listening - and lots of info to pick up on too! Plus, when I have an issue, sometimes I want a friend to just listen to me blather on as I try to sort things out on my own, even if they don't give advice and no solution is reached.

  7. Does this include not being people's secretaries? Cause that would make me sad.

  8. I have the same problem. I always want to lecture or give advice, and I think a lot of times folks just want to talk.

  9. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner - busy couple of days! You want to join the calendar challenge? That would be great :-) I'll add you to the blogroll and look forward to seeing your calendar pages throughout the year. Thanks for joining, Kate.