Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm Still Here, Kind Of

Thank you so much to those of you who have checked in periodically. That touches my heart.

I was really sad the first few weeks and had no desire to blog. I've gone to my blog a few times over the last month to get started again and then see my last post and fall into a teary tailspin all over again (in fact one is happening as I write this).

Grieving over an animal is not easy. I was constantly torn about being so sad. After a little time had passed, I felt so lame about it. She wasn't my husband or wife or mother or father or any other human being that would be devastating to lose. She was a dog. Are you really allowed to grieve hard over a dog? But I did/do miss her. Home was/is not the same, which has been very hard. I have always loved being at home, but I have been so anxious here over the last 6 weeks I can hardly stand it.

The crying fits and carrying a tissue box around the house are fewer and father between, which is good.

I'm starting to get my bearings back. I'm getting a new puppy (and maybe a dog) in July which is making me feel better. That decision caused me a lot of anxiety as well. Is it too soon? How can I replace her? A few people have even made me feel worse by saying they are surprised I am doing it so soon. But it has ultimately come down to the fact that I can't be at home much longer without another being here. I adopted this little cutie this past weekend and am going to bring her home when school is over.

Anyways, I hadn't planned on this pouring out of personal thoughts, but as I said I'm kind of teary tonight. Maybe this will get me going with the blogging again.


  1. I think it is wonderful that you're bringing home a new little love! I can't begin to imagine how painful it must have been/must be to have lost your precious dog. I think it is a tribute to how much you loved her that you're ready to add to your family again. And I'm really glad you shared your good news. I think the new cutie will give you excellent blogging material and we will be happy to read about your adventures.


  2. And you know what Pumpkin? It is ok to grieve. You loved your dog so much. She was a wonderful part of your life. I love that you have adopted a puppy. I know you will make all the difference in the world for that dog. And I know that it will help the happy memories of your sweet dog live on. Kaish and I were so sad about your dog. We thought and prayed for you often over the last weeks.

    Welcome back.

  3. I think you are doing great. When I lost my Charlie I would cry at the drop of a hat...I would scream in pain in the shower, and sob until I fell asleep at night. I should probably be embarrrased to say I was in more pain losing my sweet dog that when my husband passed away at a young age, or when I lost my mother. Yes I loved them and mourned, so I can't explain it, but the truth is, my dog's passing was more painful.

    Whether you get a new dog, and when is your personal decision that only you can make. By the looks of that adorable puppy, it seems you are making the right decision. I'm happy for you and your new bundle of joy!!! (((hugs)))

  4. We lost our 13-year-old chow Vincent 8 years ago and I still find myself overwhelmed with sadness sometimes. We now have 2 wonderful dogs, not as replacements, but as an extension of the love that Vincent inspired in us.

    Dogs are pure love, PD. I'm so happy you have one in your life again!

  5. Eventhough I have two dogs, I am not a "dog person". You know what I'm trying to say. Anyway, I do enjoy companionship however and if that was gone, I would be totally lost. I'm not good on my own. I'm glad that you are back and hopefully these little doggies make you feel better.
    Your Friend, m.

  6. I'm glad you poured out your thoughts.

    You are doing what you need to do and I think you have handled this grieving process very well, as well as can be expected. Don't feel ashamed of your feelings, especially this kind.

    I'm so excited for your your new little baby. May I be the dogfather? I promise I'll help to raise your little one in the ways of Dog.

  7. PS-I'm glad you posted again. I was worried you were all done blogging.

  8. I've missed you! So sorry about your dog, but so happy you're going to get another. You have so much to give a puppy!

  9. Hugs!! You have been on my mind, it's good to see you.

    I haven't experienced the loss of a pet, but I know how much a part of your life she was and I do believe that you ARE allowed to grieve hard over a dog.

    I don't think that you are moving on to a new puppy/dog too soon, you have to do what feels right for you. I do know that having my cat around for the past 6+ months has helped me tremendously.

  10. Welcome back, sister! I think a new dog is a good idea. I'm having to deal with LOTS of change..which I am famously terrible about...and it is turning out to be not such a bad thing. No one can replace Kojo.

  11. Hey honey - happy to see you are back... I've been thinking about you a lot. You know, when we lost Chloe (our black lab) in June of 2005, I was devastated. I cried for weeks. She was our "first child" in many ways... we got her right after we got married... I had framed photos of her on my desk at work, etc.

    It is a Very Big Deal to lose your dog.... I totally understand.

    And I will further tell you, when Ruby entered our lives (unexpectedly - she was a rescue dog) just a couple of months after Chloe's death - it did more to soothe and heal my sadness than anything else.
    I still miss Chloe. I have a framed picture of her in my kitchen, and another picture on the fridge (and she's been gone 5 years now).... but getting another dog (if and when YOU are ready) will really help. I promise.

  12. I am so glad you are all right. So very sorry for your loss. Best of luck with your new one. We waited 2 years to bring another dog into our home, although I did long for one earlier.

    Good luck with your adoptee and if you are going to search - how are you looking? We found our Jack at the LA city animal control shelter - you can search online if you are looking for a particular breed or type. You can also volunteer there and walk or play with dogs without making a committment - that helps ease the way into dog love again.

  13. OMG! The doggie is soooo cute! Whenver you choose a pet is the right time. Enjoy!

  14. I am so glad to see you back on here! It makes me feel so much better knowing that you can at least blog a little more about it.
    The new puppy will never replace Koho but will be a great companion for you. I hope she's not a big chewer. I think we are finally over that after a year and a half! Can't wait to hear the new puppy stories you'll have! A new adventure for sure! :)

  15. I am so glad to see you are back, I have missed your posts more than I can say. Losing a pet can be just like losing a family member, I know from my past. Nobody should decide when you should get a new dog(s)but you! When I lost my last cat I could only wait two weeks before getting a new baby. Lexy did not replace Big Red, but filled a huge hole in my heart and in my house. I can't wait to read about the antic's of your new puppy, and see pictures...lots and lots of pictures!

    Postcard Cindy

  16. I don't think we let people have enough room for mourning when they lose a pet. It is a very big loss and somehow people are just expected to get over it.