About a month ago while visiting with my friend Marcie, she told me about her recent trip down to San Diego. She took the train roundtrip. On the way back home, she struck up a conversation with the man in the seat next to her. To make a long story short, before detraining she had plans to meet up with him that weekend. All I could do was shake my head. The last thing I want to do is talk to a stranger on the train (or plane, or bus, etc.). In fact, when I travel I bring things – headphones, a book, a hoodie to hide under, anything! – just so I don’t have to talk to the person sitting next to me. It probably comes across as bitchy, but that’s not it at all. While I won’t shut up am very social with my friends and family, I’m overwrought with nerves around people I don’t know. It has mostly nothing to do with them, instead completely my own insecurities.
Now, since I’m nothing if not introspective, I spent a lot of time after I heard this story thinking about this quality of mine. Is this something I need to change? Is being an introvert with people I don’t know making my life less full? This past weekend, I mentioned this personality trait while chatting with some friends. A couple of us teased that on our next day off we should start taking the Metro back and forth into downtown, just to practice being outgoing with strangers. While we joked, Elana (who also knows Marcie) chimed in, “But didn’t you hear? That guy turned out to be a stalker.” Excuse me?
I hadn’t seen Marcie since, but apparently after a couple of weeks meeting up for drinks or a meal, he became uncomfortably clingy and started showing up to her house uninvited. I texted her the next morning…
How the holy frack did you work in a bar then. But in general I think on short train journeys, no there is no talking at all. In fact thinking about the Tube in London, you'd be considered insane if you started a conversation that was open-ended. What time, travel time to XX. That type of less that ten word answers are oh kay.
ReplyDeleteBut on long train journeys I bring a small travel chess set. Not that I'm that good at it, or at all really since it's like any game you truly need ongoing practice. But you will find people to play, rarely women though I must say, and kill a few hours while travelling through Europe. Mind you RyanAir killed LD train travel stone dead.
Now, would I chat with a woman on a train/plane. Yes I would. But the real difference here in Europe is we wouldn't ask for the phone number. That really is a US innovation. We never had free regional calls, so it was far cheaper to meet a chick at a café/coffee house tapas/pub. Many American women didn't know this at first when they come to stay here. It wasn't that Irish/UK/French/Spanish men didn't think of them as cute/bangable but at the point when you are expecting to be asked for digits, he's saying we'll meet at Café "La Marseillaise" a few days hence for a game of jenga.
All-in-all, I wouldn't worry. Mind you, be very careful if you do find a fella who gets you talking for if he's that charming.... You have to watch Irish lads btw. We're very good at the careless charm. ;-)
To answer your first question...I don't know, I think in a job it's different. Just like now, I stand up in front of and train teachers a couple of times a month. If I were asked to do that outside of work, well, I might actually die. :) I don't like to be the center of attention, but for my job, it's fine. However, this post was meant to be a bit tongue and cheek. While I'm not a social butterfly around strangers, I'm not a wreck either. Somewhere in between I guess. I also think is has some to do with the fact that I have to be "on" all day long. Sometimes I don't even want to talk with the people I know, let alone those I don't.
DeleteYa know, about 10-15 years ago I got something of a bee in my bonnet and wanted to learn to play chess. It seemed very cerebral to to me, which was appealing at the time. It was HARD though and I lost my get-up-and-go about it.
Anyhow, sorry for the delay in response. I had planned to reply to these sooner, but it's hard to get going in the morning, especially a Monday morning.
Tell me about it. I was sitting at this thing busily doing nothing. Anything but open the bloody writer.
DeleteAnd that comment was entirely designed for fun. And my point about train journeys hinges on the length. After smelling someone's stink along with your own stewing infusing and mingling together it seems churlish not to at least try to have a chat. Bwahaha, of course you like to fly upperclass so perhaps less stewing you there. :-)
Ha! Hardly upper class...that was maybe a half class above coach and even then just a one off. Thankfully there's a can-of-sardines' class or I'd never get to go anywhere. :)
DeleteIt's actually pretty impressive, I think, that I CAN keep from talking to anyone in coach since I'm basically sitting in their lap. :)
Having taken the Metrolink on a daily basis, I must say that I struck up conversations with folks, I saw every day...always saying goodbye at the end of the ride. On planes I nod and greet my fellow passenger, I will talk to mothers with babies, etc. but not for long....soon I am involved in my book. I guess I am somewhat introverted....and sometimes get uncomfortable if I am next to a Chatty Cathy or Chatty Carl.
ReplyDeleteYes, I can see how you'd have familiar faces on a regular commute route. Regardless, I do think everyone warrants a smile/hello.
DeleteWhenever someone starts talking with me, I then feel rude about starting my book or putting on the headphones. I worry that they didn't bring anything to do and are hoping to speak with their seatmate the whole trip. I'm always thankful when they pull out their book or what have you.
Last year, on my way home from my mom's for Christmas, the man I was sitting next to starting talking with me after we had to turn our electronic devices off. It was fine and passed the time while we waited to land until he pulled out his phone and showed me the PORN in his camera roll. Then I had to sit there while we taxied around LAX for what seemed like the longest time, wishing I hadn't taken off my headphones.
I too hate talking to strangers on the bus/train/plane.. it is usually uninteresting small talk.. and i feel once I give you that 'okay' to speak to me no matter how much I now no longer want to speak to you I will not be able to get you to stop. So better to start aloof.
ReplyDeleteYes! That's what I just meant up above. Definitely better to start aloof and see how it goes. :)
DeleteI don't have that problem. I'll talk to a turnip.
ReplyDeleteHa ha!
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