Sunday, February 23, 2014

No Apologies

31029496b2416c2933b4226f5824a449This week newsman Brian Williams snubbed Arsenio Hall while doing a story about late-night television shows. The Tonight Show has had a changing of the guards of sorts with Jimmy Fallon replacing Jay Leno.  It’s been a big story in the entertainment biz for the last few weeks, and Williams’ story failed to mention Hall’s show while giving an overview of the current Late Night Shows.  Regardless of the reason (as many have been speculated on), Williams’ apology and Hall’s acceptance of it kind of diffused the situation rather than ruffling a ton of feathers.  It was reported on the news, and that was that…done. They both behaved like civilized adults, rather than what we usually see in the news these days.

I’ve been thinking about apologies recently.  Why are they so hard for people?  There seems to be this idea that saying sorry or admitting to be in the wrong is a sign of weakness.  Where really, the denying or finger pointing that happens so often instead is taking the easy way out. 

It’s funny that with most kids, denying wrong doing is kind of a knee-jerk reaction.  “I didn’t do it,” is heard in schools around the world.  But, you can expect that from a child, as a child is still learning how to be a civilized human being.  What is really telling is how many more parents these days blame the school/teacher when they are notified of their child’s wrong doing.  Kids make mistakes, that’s normal, why then is it so hard for a parent to accept when that happens.  In my short career, the blaming of everyone except the child/parent has become more prevalent.  The apple doesn’t fall far in most cases.

Bad drivers can’t even take responsibility for their actions.  I can’t tell you how many times I have seen someone driving poorly almost crash into another car, and would have if the other driver hadn’t used his/her horn.  Rather than give an apologetic wave acknowledging fault or even just drive away ignoring it, what does the bad driver do?  Gives the finger or shows some other aggressive action.  I bet this inability to admit being wrong is single handedly increasing the road-rage incidents in this country.  I know a time or two I have wished I was driving a tank and could crash into the idiot who has almost run into me and then flipped me off after I used my horn.   

On a grander scale we have all these scandals in our governments and in our churches – people who are doing bad things.  I continue to wonder why these institutions continue to deny and sweep under the rug these scandals.  Their credibility would go a lot farther if they’d just apologize.  The Catholic Church may finally be moving in that direction with the current Pope, but my goodness – the years and years of denial has just made them look like idiots. 

Over the last couple of weeks the teachers in my district have been in an uproar over a new compensation package being offered by the district.  I know people hate to hear about teachers wanting a raise since we get “summers off” and make too much money already, but in our defense we haven’t had an increase in salary in 10 years and the previous 3 years have voluntarily taken furlough days to help keep the jobs of teachers with less experience.  The cost of living has increased tremendously in the last 10 years and our pay has decreased.  So it is time.  To be perfectly honest, the increase being offered is abysmal – cents more a day.  Sure, it’s probably better than nothing, but the amount is almost insulting.  And the district doesn’t seem to understand why the teachers are not happy with it.  Now we are not going on strike or anything over it, but there is some concern over the fact that as a whole the teachers in my district are VERY hardworking and a lot are starting to feel taken advantage of – we’re going to do the job well regardless of the money because that’s who we are.  In the meantime, the district can not fathom why we are not happy about the increase because they worked very hard to get us even anything with the state of California’s budget crisis.  And throughout these few weeks, the only thing I keep thinking is why can’t the powers that be just admit that the amount is truly inadequate of what we deserve, apologize, and say that they would offer more if it were available.  I know it wouldn’t work on everyone, but I think it would go a long way for most…It would make me feel better about it anyway. 

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16 comments:

  1. The Common Law is in part the cause of the refusal to say sorry. If you do you are admitting you are at fault and therefore liable.
    Why it doesn't happen in adult relationships is because a lot of relationships are very toxic. Where there is an adult-child dynamic which can flip depending who has the upper hand. Therefore any apology is a sign of weakness, a loss of position. This, of course, makes homelife unbearable in that one is always in a war where a loss for one or the other is certain. They are never standing side by side facing the world. In fact, this type of family life can be so hellish that the savagery of the world is seen more benign. Usually, you'll find absence of praise and simple thank you's go hand in hand.
    We are getting the hazy transmission about the Fallon thing but I truly doubt many know who he is beyond a vague feeling we've seen him is something or other before. But frankly, Leno was and is the very same.
    Now, most of us, this side, really and truly don't get Ricky Gervais (but this will go down as being one of the better GGs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkMLVBHSBvA and there are others that you can see on utube) but most US humour seems so cliqueish or referencing a very specific target.

    I'll get back to you on the pay thing. I have to go out now. Picking that clip bit into the time hard. Byyyyyeeeeee. :-)

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  2. Oh I agree, that relationship is toxic, but I think that inability to give up the upper hand is the reason most people can't apologize, even outside that kind of relationship. Everything has become a fight anymore and I don't for a minute believe people are thinking of common law. Maybe it initially stemmed from that, but anymore I think it's society telling us that it's weak to be wrong, and they will fight to the grave to not have to admit it. That leads to so many other problems along the way. That was my point with the Brian Williams' apology. Rather than becoming embroiled in a twitter war and hours of news time spent on the "scandal", apologizing stopped it. It can be very powerful.
    I'll have to check out the video after my work day is over as well. I'm not a late night show watcher, but I do think Fallon has/will breathe new life into an old formula.

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  3. Then there's me...I apologize for EVERYTHING, and half the time, I'm saying sorry for things that are totally beyond my control and/or for which I am in no way responsible.

    For the record, it's my opinion that the vast majority of teachers deserve the pay and benefit packages reserved for those morons in Congress, who are all completely undeserving of such. I will NEVER understand why, as a whole, society doesn't put more value on the education of our youth, and therefore pay those who are doing the educating what they're worth for doing such a vital (and often selfless) job. People are morons, sometimes.

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    1. Yes, I'm a sorry and a please and thank you kind of person too. I don't like to be wrong either, but I can admit it when I am.
      Thank you for the kind teacher words, but my point was more about the treatment over it. I know you are supportive! :)

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  4. OK, back. Tomorrow I have to drive my mother to hospital and was making certain the car was in good nick. It's always when it's most inconvenient you get some sort of breakdown.

    Right. I tend to view teacher pay in two ways that are quite different to the norm.
    Is your salary sufficient on its own to feed a family of 4, pay for the usual family things like mortgage, car, holidays, health and set aside enough for pensions, rainy days and sending the kids to get the self same education that is required for you to do the job. If it won't then it simply isn't enough. Two adults and two kids isn't a big family. It is simple replacement.
    There is a ridiculous set of beliefs surrounding the profession of teaching. And it the essay above you perpetuate it somewhat.
    You are not a NUN. And if you were you'd be getting paid 3/4 times more if my info is correct in private schools in that town of yours. You are a dedicated professional who deserves remuneration. Who if they were to calculate pay on an hourly basis then factor in the time and cost of university will find that yearly their pay per hour isn't reflecting anything at all. That is beyond being an easy target for nasty politicians who point out the length of holidays to gain voter sympathy at the lowest level on income. And there is nothing more certain than the politicians kids are sitting in a very expensive school paying well above the $13k fees for Notre Dame Sherman Oaks and far nearer the $30k requested in Bel Air's Marymount with their 7:1 ration of staff to Kardashian.

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    1. OH I just remembered the Freud quote is about is about Lucia Joyce, child to James Joyce of Finnegan's Wake fame. It's been bugging me for ages.

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    2. What's interesting is here private school teacher pay isn't actually more. In fact, private schools here don't even require credentialed teachers. I'm sure that the better known schools have GOOD teachers, but the pay and the benefits are not as good. The plus at private school is that they are not required to take every child. If someone (parent or student) is out of line, they have the right to kick 'em out. We don't have that option. In addition, our private schools do not have to follow the state/federal mandated curriculum. Again, the top schools still offer a quality education, the middle-of-the-road schools may or may not. We have a nearby private school that recently opened and took a lot of our white, middle/upper class families and our academic program is FAR superior to theirs. We have more brown kids though, so it might be a good trade off (said sarcastically).

      My point about the salary increase is really more about how it's handled by admin every.single.time. If we follow things at the state level at all, we are fully aware that districts don't have a lot of money for salary increases, that's a given in education. What is frustrating is that we are always pointed out for not being grateful for the penny increases and this feigned surprise that goes with it. It would be nice for them to say, "We know this sucks, but it's the best we can do this year." Again, it's easier to pass the blame onto us, and that's a shame.

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    3. I heard the quote in a movie several years ago, and other than yah, he said that, I haven't been able to find any further reference. Why did he write that of her? Do you have any info? I always liked it as it fits me to a t. :)

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    4. She was a chick with issues. They said she was schizophrenic. So spent 40 years in a mental hospital.
      I suspect she couldn't handle the nasty nihilism that surrounded the avant garde. She was only a middle teen when her dad became 'the' presence of a movement. So at the time she needed a dad to stabilise her he was elsewhere. Had she been less talented and frankly a bit thick she'd have been far safer in that milieu. But she wasn't thick or talentless. She was a good enough dancer to be trained by Isadora Duncan. All-in-all, she was the first of the rock star kids to go off the rails.
      Oh yeah, Freud was asked to help her and said his methods wouldn't work with the Irish.

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    5. Yikes, maybe I should rethink that then. :)
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGGSvhN8SaY

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  5. I think teachers need more money! They work so hard and put up with so much!

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    1. We put up with TONS! This year is case in point. I've lost that lovin' feeling about my job this year. :)

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  6. For more bridal shower pics, they're at the HCP: http://hillcountryprincess.com

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  7. I agree.. though I myself find it so hard to apologize sometimes.. I know it;s the thing I should do.
    And being honest about the situation.. like funding rather than lying about it and making false promises would be so much better.

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    1. I agree. Ugh, yes, lying is a biggie, too. The two kind of go hand in hand don't they.

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  8. It would be wonderful if your district would tell you that they were sorry they couldn't offer more. The agency I work for tells us constantly that they wish they could increase our salaries. It makes me feel a little better. Until I average it out and see that I earn about $1.68 more than minimum wage....with a masters degree.

    I am thankful for my job because I can help people.

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