When it comes to fears, I thought I had quite a few, but as I went down the list in my brain today most of the things that I think of as fears are really just things I don't like, i.e. bugs/having to kill them in my house or mayonnaise. These things don't scare me, so they couldn't be classified as fears.
When it comes down to it, there are two things that I truly am scared of. One is a phobia and one is a worry.
Snakes are my phobia. Just writing the word snake just now made me shiver. I can't look at them in real life, on TV, or even in a picture. Thinking about them makes me lift my legs of the floor and sit on my feet. Once when I was about 12 years old I was camping at the river with my family. We spent one afternoon at the water's edge; swimming, fishing, playing. Shortly after coming to onto shore from a swim, my cousin was fishing on a rock in the river and a big, black snake swam over to the rock and lunged at him. He waved his fishing pole around trying to scare it away. We all screamed and did not go back in the water. I don't think that was the origin of my phobia, but it sure didn't help. Part of the 2nd grade science curriculum that I teach is about animals. Snakes are so very high interest, especially to the boys, so I have pictures and books about snakes that I keep in the research center. Inevitably, a very excited student runs up to me during "research" time and sticks a snake picture under my nose, "Look Miss Delight! Isn't it cool?" I squint my eyes and pretend to look at it and nod. I am constantly worried that if I show my fear that one of my kids would bring one to the classroom. Then I shiver on the inside.
My worry is family related. My immediate family is very small - my mom, my dad, and me. All of my grandparents are gone and my dear dad passed away about four years ago. Other than a step aunt and some step cousins, my mom is the only family I have left. I worry that if something happens to my mom, I am completely alone. I worry about that a lot. That scares me to death. I don't know what I would do if the only person who cares about me every single day isn't here anymore. This is the worst kind of fear. I have no control over it.
OK, I'm pretty tech savvy, but for the life of me I can't figure out how to post this little sign with the link, so here's the link to the little sign for our Writer's Workshop coordinator...Mama's Losing It.
ten things tuesday
40 minutes ago