Thursday, February 26, 2009

He's Back!

Last week the new season of Bill Maher started. Before "The Week" magazine "Real Time" was how I kept current on weekly happenings. He is super funny, super smart, super liberal, and tells it like he sees it. Since I agree with most of his politics, I enjoy the show a whole bunch. The last 8 years have been hysterical, mostly at GWs expense. When this season started I wondered what the angle would be now that we have a new, Democrat in office, but he didn't disappoint. I am in a perpetual state of laughter for the entire hour.
At the end of each show, he does a "New Rules" segment, the last rule being a commentary on a particularly sensitive issue. Most of the time they are very funny. This past week's was no exception. (NOTE: This is very crass, read at your own risk!)

"And, finally, New Rule: Stop pretending that other governments have nothing to teach us. From those socialists in Sweden, we can learn how to fix a banking crisis. And from our friends in China, we can learn how to punish the jerks who caused it. You know, the ones who took bailout money and bought private jets made out of rubies and veal.
This is Dick Fuld of Lehman Brothers. What a "dick" Fuld. He personally made $500 million in sub-prime mortgages, and he gets to keep it while you and I pay off his bad bets. This is Bernie Madoff. Bernie stole $50 billion, mostly from other Jews. For Jews, this was the worst pyramid scheme since the actual pyramids. Which brings me back to China. Now, a couple months ago, some greedy businessmen in China were caught spiking the milk they sold to children with melamine, a plastic-derivative which boosted the protein levels and, thus, their profits. Well, you know what the Chinese are doing to the businessmen behind their milk scandal? They're putting them to death. Talk about lactose intolerant. Now, am I saying we should treat the bankers who poisoned our financial markets with tainted investments the way China treated its poisoners? Please, we're not China. We're just owned by China. So, no, I don't think we should put all the bankers to death. Just two. I mean, maybe it's not technically legal, but, let's look at the upside. If we killed two random, rich, greedy pigs. I mean, killed. Like, blew them up at halftime at next year's Super Bowl. Or left them hanging on the big board at the New York Stock Exchange. You know, as a warning, with their balls in their mouth. I think it would really make everyone else sit up and take notice. This crisis is rooted in greed. And if two deaths shocked a society of 300 million into acting decently enough to avoid this in the future, well, they'd die as heroes. And, you know, it's not like collateral damage isn't built into our assessment of things. Cars kill almost 50,000 people a year, but we accept that as a fair price for being able to get around without riding on top of an animal. So, two dead bankers really starts to look like a bargain. And isn't that what they love? Bargains?"

It's over the top, but there is some truth to it, no? Sorry if this offended anyone.


  1. I LOVE Bill Maher. I want to write for him when I grow up.

    And I don't see how we could be offended by that... unless we were soulless banking executives with no respect for the American people. ;)

  2. Haven't read him before but I like it! Greed...they should have learned how wrong that was in kindergarten...guess they are too old to have been in my class!

  3. Awesome! Maybe I just need to DVR it once and for all. And watch it when?

  4. OMG. I am never coming back here again. These offensive posts have completely turned me off... oh wait, this was supposed to go under the last Bachelor recap...

  5. I'm not a fan of Bill Maher.
    However, I think it's ridiculous how our country handles these corporate titans with such kid gloves. Embarrassing.

    It's an absolute outrage that Madoff is living in luxury in his penthouse after what he did.
    For the life of me, I really truly don't understand why he's not in prison, with no bond.

  6. Oh offend away : ). I am super conservative, but I think we should kill those two men. Why not? : )