Monday, March 5, 2012

Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool me Twice, Shame On Me.

This past week “front page news” stories appeared all over with rumors that Rihanna has gotten back together with Chris Brown. 

Earlier this year, I wrote somewhere…I can’t seem to find where…about Chris Brown’s Grammy wins.
It’s hard for me to believe that someone who, just a couple of years ago, was arrested (and is still on probation) for beating up his girlfriend, Rihanna, could be nominated and win an award.  I know the Grammys aren’t a “good guy” contest, but still it doesn’t seem right. 

Normally, I couldn’t care less about what is going on in a celebrity’s life.  I don’t even listen to either of their music.  However this recent story about them reuniting makes me sad.  I’m quite sensitive to domestic abuse, and know that while this kind of relationship is messed up it is incredibly difficult to get out of.  But, my goodness, after the world basically watched this girl black and blue on television, she left him  – the hardest part.  She had cut the ties.  Everyone found out about it AND she figured a way to get out. 

So what’s she doing now?  Is it the typical, “Oh, but he’s changed”?  I doubt he has, as apparent by his recent comments to critics after his Grammy appearance. 

She has been quoted in articles saying that she doesn’t want to be a role model.  Well, that’s too bad, because she is.  It’s up to her what kind she wants to be.  All of her fans watched her leave her abuser, which was such a positive and powerful
thing to see.  Now?  They are watching her go back to that same abuser.  What a shame – for both her and the millions of girls and young women who look up to her. 

I hope for her sake that she made the right decision, and it all works out well for her.  I would imagine though that he will continue to be abusive while the world watches and thinks, “I told you so.”


  1. Stupid girl! Just wait 'till he kills her.

  2. @mark - and that would be the biggest shame of all. About 1/3 of murdered women in the US are killed by the hand of a domestic partner/abuser.

  3. There is a very strong possibility, one or both are from that type of relationship. From, as in the product of. These things tend to run in families. And there is a very distinct probability if such is true that they will engineer that type of relationship if they haven't found someone that will 'give' them what they know.
    Frankly, I would be very careful about demonising one party or the other in this case for I have a weird feeling about them both. And I suspect evidence of the eyes might be extremely distorting.
    It would be interesting to hear from other partners.

  4. That's so true about girls who look up to her seeing she is going back to him. Along the same line, our youth are seeing a person who abused his girlfriend celebrated and rewarded. It is so disturbing to me.

  5. I don't even know who she is...but she's stupid!

  6. @Vince - Hmmm, I don't think I was demonizing anyone. If it came across that way, it wasn't my intention. However, I don't think I'm wrong in saying that returning to a relationship like that is unfortunate, even if many to most are coming from that pattern - not all, as I can attest to - but I do believe, from what I've read, in this case she is a product of an abusive environment. Him? I don't know. My point being, what a positive message it would have been for someone famous to break that pattern and show others it can be done.

  7. @Lacy - Our kids were exactly who I thought of as I wrote this. Both our boys and girls(who are fans), some who come from horrible home lives, could have seen her as a good example, instead they see that "he" can treat a woman like that and still be cool and "she" can't figure out a way to get out of it.

    @Marey - :(

  8. How would it have looked if she was the abuser. And that there was a good deal of self defence to what he did.
    I was in a situation with a woman that had depression issues that would strike me. I got out, eventually. But not without huge personal cost. I believed that we both looked at each other as human beings. I did. She didn't.
    I later discovered she had been buggered by an uncle when she was about 12.
    But no one believes that the man can be the recipient.

  9. @Vince - Ah, I understand your "argument" now. I agree, we tend to assume the abuser is the man, as is statistically correct and my only experience. But you are right, it can go both ways, and that should be brought to the forefront more. I remember your post about this..I'm sorry it happened.

  10. Perhaps more reported. Perhaps skewing the stats.

  11. Can an abuser change? I wonder. Not that I think anyone should try to find out.